How to learn French in France & Flirt like a French Woman.

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

& Other French mistakes to avoid

I think we have established that you don’t want to be the person to ask that question. Every single French person has heard this question before and I dare say it is not original, doesn’t show off your French skills nor will get you the desired answer – even I, with my semester of school French, know as much.
But to be honest, it could be worse because while the most famous song lyrics of the French language are somewhat lame to mildly inappropriate, there are many other phrases which could be seriously embarrassing or get you into trouble. Avoiding those phrases is good enough reason to take up proper French classes so you don’t need to rely on any hot Frenchmen.
Here are my favorite funny French mistakes that will require you to put your foot very deep inside your mouth if you make them.

1. Presuming that you can just take an English word, slap a French accent on and be done with it is well… presumptuous and might become ever so slightly embarrassing. Best example: you want to make sure that a dish doesn’t contain any preservatives? Do not ask for “sans préservatifs” as it should be a given there are no condoms in your food. Préservatif is a condom, preservatives are conservateurs.

2. Canard = duck
Connard = jerk

If you are unsure of the proper pronunciation order the pasta instead.

3. It seems most languages draw a comparison between a female cat and the female sex. If you want to avoid this problem stick to “chat” in French and avoid the female word “chatte” unless you are absolutely certain it cannot be misunderstood. Asking someone to pet their pussy is just awkward.

4. Did you enjoy your stay in Rouen? Please don’t say “oui j’ai bien joui” because this means you just enjoyed an orgasm which might be a bit of an overshare. In colloquial French “jouir” refers to an orgasm (though I guess technically that falls under enjoyment too).

5. “Je suis excité(e)!” – While you are singing ‘I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it’ in your head, a French person will simply think you are horny. Not that both cannot go hand in hand but if you are excited because you just found a 2-for-1 croissant special, your announcement of sexual arousal might come across as a bit odd.
To avoid any confusion, make sure you mention the croissants or whatever else actually got you excited in the same sentence.

6. Un baiser = a kiss
Baiser = to kiss?

Not quite, baiser as a verb will get you beyond first base as it means “to f***”. Use wisely and when appropriate!

7. Beaucoup (bo-koo) vs. Beau cul (bo-kew) – one means ‘very’ the other one ‘nice ass’. And to know the difference take a French class where they teach you clearly how to spot and speak the difference.

This content was originally published here.

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