Learn English Funcast #144 – A woman and a handgun, the Australian Outback, and a trip to the grocery store

by learn a language journalist

Listen to the podcast lesson and read the joke text below:

Tip of the Day

A man married his own secretary
thinking that she will still follow his orders as before.

Joke 1:
A young woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”

Joke 2:
Australian Outback
A man driving in the Australian outback stops his car and gets out to enjoy the view. All of a sudden an Aboriginal jumps out and demands he be given the car and the keys. The man quickly jumps back in the car and takes off. He drives at 20 km/h and the Aboriginal is still next to him so he speeds up to 50 km/h but the Aboriginal is to him. He then speeds up too 90 km/h and still the aboriginal is still running alongside the car. The man stops the car, gets out and ask the Aboriginal “How do you run so fast” to which the Aboriginal replies “you’d be running that fast if your balls were stuck in the door”.

Joke 3:
I was last in line at the grocery store.
I looked at my basket to make sure I had everything. 3 frozen dinners for one and a 6 pack of root beer, wasn’t too hard. A young lady came up behind me and I noticed a big smile on her face. I looked at her basket and lord behold she had the exact same items in her basket. I put the two together and realised she was cracking onto me. I gathered all my courage and turned around to her and said, ‘hey darling any chance that you’re single?’. She looked at me with a blush in her cheeks and exclaimed ‘yes, how did you know?’, while looking at her basket contents and my own excitingly. I looked at her calmly and said, ’cause you’re ugly’.

This content was originally published here.

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