The Ukraine Scandal GOP Speak-English Dictionary

by learn a language journalist

Twas brillig and the tithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe   Lewis Carroll   Jabberworky I am so loving this! I wrote previously that in every Trump scandal up until now, it was always Trump who set the narrative, and everybody else tried to negate his nonsense with facts. With this Ukraine scandal, for the first time Trump has lost the narrative, and the results have been nothing short of spectacular. He can’t seem to string three coherent words together, and the ones he does string together. But Trump isn’t the only one struggling with this brave new world. If you look back at all of the previous scandals, you realize that his minions in the media and congress were dependent on Trump’s narrative. Then they took that narrative, ran it through a literary Cuisinart, and spit out a different jumble of the same words. But they can’t do that this time, because everything Trump says implicates himself, and it doesn’t matter how you chop and slice that, there’s no way to make it anything other than implicating. This time the blathering Trump sycophants are on their own, which is working out about as well as you’d expect from blathering Trump sycophants. Apparently, they’re throwing random words into the Cuisinart, and spitting the results out, then running for cover. They listen to what all of the other hapless sycophants are saying too, and if they find something they like,, they latch onto it. Hey guys, whatever gets you through the might. The result tends to be an incomprehensible mishmash that you wouldn’t put before the dog for breakfast. Fortunately, I have decades of experience at this sort of thing, and I’m here to help. Here are some of the common side word salads you’re currently getting from the GOPasaurs, followed by the English translations. GOP Speak: I’m the one who’s executing his constitutional duties here! I only care about corruption, I don’t care about politics. English: Hunter Biden got $50,000 w week for knowing as little about natural gas as I know about real estate. That’s a sweet deal! Gimme my piece, and I’ll shut up about Ukraine. GOP Speak: The whistle blower complaint is garbage. It’s all hearsay, based on second hand information! English: Don’t bother me with facts and corroboration. If the whistle blower didn’t see it or hear it, then it didn’t happen! GOP Speak: It was a perfect call. There was no quid pro quo, and even the Ukrainian President said so. This is all made up FAKE NEWS! ENGLISH: It was a perfect call because I didn’t have to explain a thing. I let my dummies lay it all for that Ukrainian schmuck. GOP Speak: No President is going to be impeached solely on hearsay evidence as long as I have anything to say about it! English: I tried impeaching Bill Clinton on shit that was a lot lamer than this, and that didn’t work. But my polling numbers at home are sky high, and besides I don’t have anything to say about it. Wrong Judiciary committee. GOP Speak: We’ll release all the documents they want, but only after Nancy Pelosi holds a floor vote on the impeachment inquiry in the House. English: Aw, come on Charlie Brown! I promise, I won’t pull the football away this time! There ya go. Now you know what all of those Trump shills are yammering away about when they’re in front of the cameras sputtering […]

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